Your Imaginary Friends

Discussion in 'onTopic' started by Kita, 23 Aug 2015.

  1. Kita

    Kita Should Update Title

    I have been meaning to write about this for a while, since On Tour is a fictionalized autobiography (truth is easier to write, and even easier when I feel safe bending, embellishing, adding, and subtracting as I see fit). But I kept forgetting. Now I remember! So! I also want to hear about everyone's else's past (and current?) imaginary friends!

    When I was very young, maybe 4ish or younger, I distinctly remember feeling obligated to have a named imaginary friend. Mostly, it was this pressure I felt, partially from my mom coming around asking who I was talking to when I was talking to myself. I also saw this connection from movies, shows, other kids, etc. around me that imaginary friends were something and normal for a kid to have, and I didn't have one.

    I have always gone on and on about how I grew up with Queen, and how much I loved them. Radio Gaga was one of the few songs I understood a bit of, and I understood the word 'gaga' to mean something nonsensical, like what babies say. I was always quite analytical, even as a toddler :) So, when I first realized there was this strange running dialog in my head, my brain made this association of it being 'gaga' in my head, a bunch of unnamed nonsense that was no one and no thing in particular.

    And I distinctly remember one day having considered these points, my mom coming in to me talking to myself again, and asking who I was talking to. I remember hesitating, and possibly at first giving my normal answer of 'no one', before saying 'Gaga'. That was the correct, analytical answer in my brain, and what I had defined my internal dialog as. My mom asked if that was my imaginary friend, and I agreed with her. She seemed quite satisfied with this, and didn't pester me further when I was talking to myself.

    I vaguely remember trying after that to express to my parents that I had thought something through with my internal dialog, and came to a new thought or idea, and telling them "Gaga says..." etc. I don't remember specific examples of this occurrence (but will make up a scenario for On Tour; the fiction in my autobiography). But I do definitely remember using the name a number of times, and also doing so while talking to my parents. And I know I didn't invoke the name for blaming purposes, as I fully understood that there was no one there and this voice wasn't actually a voice and wasn't there either. I was merely coming to an understanding of what internal thought was, and my INTP brain has always been swimming in an internal dialog and ideas. I also distinctly remember using something along the lines of "ARGH! Gaga!" scream or a "Gaga..." hissed as a sort of out-loud curse when I got frustrated at whatever was going on in my head. So self frustration at my internal dialog is also something I have always had. I also want it to be understood that I never used this 'curse' for an external mistake, like knocking down the lego building or something. Always, I distinctly remember, it was a hiss or yell at my internal self and internal dialog. Though I am sure I was the only one who ever knew that.

    My parents pegged me as a creative type early on, I believe, partially due to having an 'imaginary friend', since this was a commonly accepted trait of 'creative' children. I always knew I didn't have an imaginary friend, and frankly was quite bewildered listening to how other children talked about theirs. Many thought theirs were real, and would swear up and down to being witness to things they did. I shrugged off 'Gaga' when asked about it, always finding a way to say 'I know she isn't really there', due to a lack of ability to properly express the internal dialog in my head or understand that it was normal. Imaginary friends were 'normal', so I classified that as being what it was. I still always wondered why other kids couldn't understand that nothing was actually there, however, and never believed them for a second when they made wild claims about their imaginary friends.

    As an adult, much more able to analyze these things, I think THEY were the truly creative ones, not me. They had vivid imaginations and dreams, unable to also express the idea of an imagination, since it exists somewhere between truth (an actual thought and feeling that happened), and untruth (but it never happened in the physical world, anywhere outside their brains.) Thus, imaginary. But, strangely, it is almost like some kids lacked an awareness or boundary to distinguish reality and fiction, and those concepts didn't come later. Though, certainly, as a child I could watch a movie or read a book and be convinced the events actually happened, I never once for an instant mistook things occurring in my head as things that were reality. Even as I imagined things independently-- as opposed to imagination needed in reading, for example, where details are given and a picture is created in the mind-- I understood THAT as being 'imagination'. Not reality. But, since Gaga lacked any substance at all, I never thought of 'her' (her, since I am a female. That for some reason was the only 'given' about the concept) as even being a slightly real thing such as an imaginary friend. I knew I never thought her up, it wasn't an invention of my mind. It was just my way of describing a mere fact, something that was actually happening in my head but not manifested in front of me, and thus a bit confusing to my understanding of imagination and reality since it was neither. I mean, what does dialog look like? Nothing, it has no form. It's a product of an action performed. But it was happening, without any intent on my part, like breathing. Regardless of what I did, or how I tried to reason with it, there was very little intent or ability to control it on my part. I used the word 'reason' on purpose, because when I really think back, I realize I made many attempts to 'reason' with the dialog, engage with it, and find out what it was and control it or 'talk' to it (hence the out loud conversations... YOU ARE ON MY TURF NOW, BRAIN! HA!). Never worked, it kept on with it's running commentary on top of the actual negotiation attempts. DAMN YOU INNER THOUGHTS. SO SLIPPERY! And, thus, much confusion on my part as it kept doing its thing.

    I also distinctly recall being prompted multiple times to describe what Gaga looked like, but was never able to. It was merely a definition of something going on in my head that I was a bit unsure about.

    So, 'Gaga', my imaginary friend, is just a condensed way of saying 'All the ideas and other stuff that constantly stream through and around my head; aka, Inner Dialog'.

    I never had an imaginary friend, but my 'Gaga' has been a constant companion since I first became aware of it :)
     
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  2. Mulch

    Mulch Why does the drum come hither?
    Psychedelic

    [​IMG]
     
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  3. Kita

    Kita Should Update Title

    No one else had imaginary friends when they were growing up? :(
     
  4. Lain

    Lain End of line. #resist
    Sneaky

    They instructed me not to speak of them.
     
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  5. Mulch

    Mulch Why does the drum come hither?
    Psychedelic

    i only had one
     
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  6. Kick Frenzy

    Kick Frenzy HUZZAH!
    Scurvy

    Kita, Gaga is your Id.
    And having her isn't proof of a lack of creativity, it's just a different angle.

    I have the same thing... but it's slightly fluid.
    Sometimes, there's a nameless other me.
    Sometimes I have a general peanut gallery.
    It changes between "hey you" and "hey everybody" depending on the situation.

    So, I have "imaginary friends" now in the same way Gaga is yours.
    (Which, I think, may be stronger than when I was a kid.)

    I'm weird and there ain't nothing to be done about it.
    Except enjoy it. :)
    (Have you tried using your own language? Like, a vocalization of thought processes and emotions?)
    (And does that make absolutely no sense?)
     
  7. Kita

    Kita Should Update Title

    My stream of consciousness walls of text are my own language. I honestly can't imagine how anyone can follow them. It makes total sense to me at the time, but if I come back to it a couple weeks later, I can't follow it either and am able to see how much of a mess Gaga made :p
     
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  8. Kick Frenzy

    Kick Frenzy HUZZAH!
    Scurvy

    Has it been a mess... or a balance?
     
  9. Mulch

    Mulch Why does the drum come hither?
    Psychedelic

    sanka

    my imaginary friends name was sanka

    (yes, based on the shitty instant coffee product thingy that was before you were born)

    auntie sent me a box of a half dozen or so of my old toys from before i moved from chicago and certain memories came flooding back, kinda like in amalie

     
    Last edited: 28 Dec 2015
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  10. Kita

    Kita Should Update Title

    Thank you :)

    Anything else you remember about Sanka?
     
  11. nina

    nina still prettier than you
    Nerdy

    i dont think i ever had an imaginary friend.
    i dont remember much of my childhood though. i didnt have a traumatic childhood or anything, i just cant remember much of it for some reason.
     
  12. Kita

    Kita Should Update Title

    Something will jog your memory one day, and you will come tell us, Nina. :)
     
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  13. Mulch

    Mulch Why does the drum come hither?
    Psychedelic

    not really, except i do very strongly remember creating Sanka because adults around me EXPECTED me to have an imaginary friend. so i made one and that was that. nothing more than fulfilling expectations. im sorry, but thats the truth. i created it because i was supposed to, and left it behind the very same day
     
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  14. Kita

    Kita Should Update Title

    That was why I named one and used it too. :)

    Is this a conspiracy all along? Imaginary friends are just something kids do because adults think it's cute and practically beg them to have one??
     
  15. nina

    nina still prettier than you
    Nerdy

    maybe thats why i didnt have one? i cant imagine my mum ever encouraging such a thing. if i did she surely would have thought it was a demon.
     

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